On Children: A Journey Beyond Possession
On Children by Khalil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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| On Children by Khalil Gibran: The relationship between parents and children is a shared journey |
Children are often considered extensions of their parents—miniature reflections shaped by our values, decisions, and dreams. But is this perception the full truth? The wisdom of Kahlil Gibran’s poetic lines reminds us: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.” This perspective invites us to explore the profound independence of children as individuals who, though nurtured by us, belong to the universe in ways that defy ownership.
The Illusion of Ownership
Parenting often comes with a natural urge to mold children, to shape their paths, and to protect them from life’s uncertainties. It’s a noble instinct but also one laced with an illusion: the belief that children are ours to control. When we look deeper, we see that children are born not as blank slates but as unique beings with their own gifts, temperaments, and destinies.
Recognizing this truth doesn’t diminish the role of parents. Instead, it elevates the act of parenting into something far more profound—guiding without tethering, teaching without imposing, and loving without conditions.
A Field to Grow, Not a Box to Fit
Consider children as seeds of diverse, unknown trees. Our role isn’t to decide what kind of tree they should become but to create a nurturing environment where they can grow into their fullest selves. This approach requires trust—trust in the child’s ability to navigate life’s journey and trust in the wisdom of their individuality.
When we shift our mindset from possession to stewardship, we begin to see our children not as projects but as partners in the human experience. They teach us as much as we teach them. They challenge us to question long-held beliefs, embrace change, and see the world through fresh eyes.
The Art of Letting Go
One of the hardest aspects of parenting is learning to let go. Letting go doesn’t mean abandoning responsibility or withdrawing support; it means honoring a child’s autonomy as they grow. From the first tentative steps to the big leaps into adulthood, each stage of a child’s life is a gentle reminder that they are travelers on their own path.
Letting go is an act of love. It says, “I trust you to find your way, and I am here if you need me.” It allows children to develop resilience, independence, and a sense of self that isn’t overshadowed by parental expectations.
What Children Teach Us
Children are natural philosophers. They ask questions that strip away the pretensions of adulthood and invite us to confront life’s raw truths. Why is the sky blue? Why do people hurt each other? What does it mean to be happy? In their innocent curiosity, children remind us to reconnect with wonder, honesty, and humility.
They also teach us about love—pure, unfiltered, and boundless. A child’s love isn’t transactional; it’s a gift freely given. This love challenges us to rise above our limitations and offer the best versions of ourselves.
A Shared Journey
Ultimately, the relationship between parents and children is a shared journey. It’s not about creating clones of ourselves but empowering the next generation to be authentic, compassionate, and free. It’s about recognizing that we are all interconnected threads in the tapestry of humanity, learning from and supporting one another as we navigate the complexities of life.
In honoring children as independent beings, we honor life itself. We embrace the mystery of existence, the unpredictability of growth, and the beauty of individuality. And in doing so, we give both our children and ourselves the greatest gift: the freedom to simply be.